On Using the Bathroom...

"With a wife and three daughters, who can wait to use the bathroom. I go outside with the dog every morning."

Contributed by our friend, and fellow MtP follower; Lance D.

I'm a little guy...

...I only got a 10-acre farm.
...my daughters have horses...but THEY had better take care of them...
...I got folks that work for me, hard.
...I got a wife that loves me, but won't marry me. But that's ok.
...I have a degree in Architecture, and love plumbing!
...life's good, and there ain't nothin' wrong with it that can't be fixed.

My folks came over on the Mayflower...

...We've been here ever since.

On Sheep

...they're dumber than a sack o'rocks.

That's all I have to say on that.

On Cow Tipping...

Its not the tipping of the Cow that's fun.
There ain't nothing fun about tipping the Cow.

Its the fact that you better get out of there real quick,
'Cause, neither you or the cow are prepared for what happens next!

The cow's got no idea what the heck's happened,
and its gonna look to do what ever it has to set things right
that includes thrashing you!

Gets your blood pumping...sure does.

Cows in a Zoo...

"What!? You have Cows in a Zoo!?"

"What kind of crazy place is that!?"

"You have Chickens and Pigs in the Zoo Too!?"

- Thoughtful pause -

"That's just plain insane."

The speed of a bullet...

If you can run faster than 2,600 feet per second...
...you can date my daughter.

Heck! I'll even give you a 100 yard head start!